wanna go halves on a baby?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
