Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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