Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Randomize
