kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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