his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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