Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
