You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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