Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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