Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Your cock deserves a montage
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize