what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
