life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
