felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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