he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
