just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
