Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
