dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Did you just see the Batmobile???
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
