apparently the secret to your success is patron
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
