Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
