Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
you guys were way drunker than both of me
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize