Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
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