it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
