At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
