If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I think your dad took our porno
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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