We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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