It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
