i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
