i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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