Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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