I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm passing your future prison.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
