idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize
