Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
