Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
