You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
