if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
