They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
