I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
