he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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