We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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