I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
we're making bets on your personal life
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
