I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
