i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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