Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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