drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
