I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
