Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize