So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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