im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
