so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
