I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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