Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
