a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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