Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
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