based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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