this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
