At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
