There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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