I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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