There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
