yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
