Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
