garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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