he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
