Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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