dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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