I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
