i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
