I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
