It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
