then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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