I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
