Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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