Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
