I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
