I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
