I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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