Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
i believe in u and ur pee
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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