Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
