Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
