Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
