If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
