I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
