You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
