please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
