So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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