This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
