so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
