You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
