My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
