I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
