Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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