So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
