Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
