Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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