Plan B is the new Plan A
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
