Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
