I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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