This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize