did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
