So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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