girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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