Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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