Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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