I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
