does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
