your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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